Missio Colonia | Kevin and Kathi in Cologne, Germany

Kathi: I've gotten to ponder the bittersweetness of life in the last few days. Kevin has really started to get involved in the geneology of our families, and we've been pouring over a seemingly endless list of names and many worn and faded photographs. We went this past weekend to see Kevin's granny. She's not well, and we don't know how much time she has left. It has been so strange to look at the photograps of a strong, vibrant woman full of life, and to now see her in the final stages of it.

It's been one of those experiences that makes the world stop for a time, and you begin to see through the vanity of so much of what you do. Everything suddenly becomes a little clearer as you realize that your life is headed on the same course. That we really are only a vapor in time -- here for an instant and then gone. I don't find that discouraging, just simply sobering. I'm finding that the older you get, the quicker life seems to move. And I am that much more moved to make my life count.

I remember having these same feelings and realizations when my grandma died nearly 10 years ago. Isn't it interesting that these ponderings usually come as you watch a life pass away? Sometimes I wonder if that's why God has us pass away as He does -- so that those who are left are reminded of their frailty and mortality. I suppose that's why we don't like to consider death.
I've also been considering life, though. So many people we know are having babies. Kevin's sister is pregnant, and it's been quite poignant to see one life beginning and one ending in their family.

All this makes me think of my own family, and wonder how moving to Germany will effect our relationship. We will most likely begin our family over there. That's not how I imagined it would be. I always wanted to be near my family, and all grow together and spend the years together. I cried yesterday because I realized that my parents will probably meet their grandchildren for the first time in an airport. And maybe I just have to get used to that idea, but right now it seems so sad to me. And for the 20th time I'm wondering why God has called us to do this. And for the 100th time I'm wondering how I'm going to be able to sacrifice so much of what I've dreamed of. But as much of this seems uncertain to me -- uncertain as it must have seemed to Abraham when God called him to sacrifice Isaac -- I know that He's called us to this. And though I don't know the "how" yet, I trust that God will provide that along the way.

I said goodbye to a good friend this morning, a sister. She's a woman I've been mentoring for several years, and it has been amazing to see the transformation in her life. She left this morning to take the biggest step of faith she's probably ever taken, and I will miss her so much. I've spent a good portion of 2 years being a vessel of God's love and grace to someone who has not known those sides of Him. What an honor it has been, and I rejoice with God to see her walking in His love. And I am deeply reminded of my calling, and of my passion to walk with women as they're hurting and to mirror Christ's love to them. Godspeed Joanna and thank you.

Please pray for us, as this has been a very emotional and pensive time for us. We appreciate you all very much.